8 April 2014 by Lars Vilhuber

France ready to annex Québec

Following the recent April 2014 win of the Liberal Party in Québec, the French government said it was concerned about the French-speaking population in Québec, and was ready to annex Québec to protect the French-speaking population. “Vee sink sat French-speakers ahr veree menacés in Québec”, said the French foreign minister, citing overwhelming and widespread concern about the future of French in Québec. The French Ministry of Defense announced military exercises on its St. Pierre-et-Miquelon territory, involving 15,000 troops, the aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle, and an unknown number of Foreign Legionnaires. Unmarked men in military fatigues were sighted on ÃŽle d’Orléans, but were fined for carrying hunting rifles out of season. The French president dismal approval ratings spiked on the news.

In unrelated news, the Chinese Navy started the first-ever naval maneuvers involving its aircraft carrier Liaoning and 1 million troops 200 nautical miles off the coast of British Columbia, citing concern for the Chinese population in British Columbia (10%) and Ontario (5%). The Chinese minister of defensive naval strategy noted that the maneuvers were coordinated with the French Foreign Legion.